Kenesaw Mountain Landis was a bad mother fucker He was seventeen feet tall, he had a hundred and fifty wives He didn't do that much except he saved the game of baseball He put two and two together and he noticed it was four Now the treachery of Shoeless Joe can't hurt us anymore And he'll always be remembered as Kenesaw Mountain Landis Fellow named Joe Jackson was a fielder for the Black Sox And he always wore his black socks, but he never wore no shoes He weren't the nicest fellow and he had a couple problems Cause he drank a lot and he beat his wife and he always acted rude He killed and ate some babies and he copped an attitude And the one man that he hated most was Kenesaw Mountain Landis The mafia said Shoeless Joe You should really run this show You should be the guy who owns baseball And all you really gotta do Is help us make a buck or two We'll bet on the other team You'll lose the game but make it seem Like nothing could be further from the truth Shoeless Joe did what they said he dropped a couple fly balls And he walked up to the pitcher and he poked him in the eye And in the seventh inning with the Black Sox nearly beaten There was someone who was watching from his blimp above the stands Cradling a rifle in his thick and meaty hands And as if you hadn't guessed yet it was Kenesaw Mountain Landis Kenesaw said drop that glove Or I swear by God above I'll make you regret playing baseball And Shoeless Joe looked up and saw The silver rifle's gaping maw And though no one had noticed yet His underwear was getting wet He peed himself in front of everyone Shoeless Joe was finished but he couldn't quite admit it So he raised his middle finger up above the other four And Kenesaw took careful aim and fired a single bullet And he shot that dirty finger off and he dropped his trusty gun And everybody in the stands knew that he had won And today they still refer to him as Kenesaw Mountain Landis Shoeless Joe left baseball and because a famous pop star And he asked the musical question is she really going out with him He had a couple albums and a comeback in the 80's But he never won a Grammy and he never was the same And he never could be satisfied with critical acclaim Cause the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello Yes the critics all confused him with the great Elvis Costello