My dearest Miss Patsy, I'm writing to say That I'm sorry to not be in touch It's been quite a parade, but my thoughts never strayed Too far, or too long, or too much CHORUS Miss Patsy, forgive all the choices I made I've been fighting shadows on the wrong crusade Looking for ghosts in a penny arcade Miss Patsy, no more will I roam Miss Patsy, won't you carry me home They held me to ransom back there in the foothills And nobody stumped up a bean Not Swifty, nor Eddie, came up with the ready It can make you think people plain mean CHORUS I've been hanging out with some virtuous people They emptied my bank account twice They gave me self-confidence, even some clothes And a truckload of love and advice When they gave out the cyanide pills with a wink And said, Wait for the word, any day now, we think I knew it was time to pull back from the brink Miss Patsy, no more will I roam Miss Patsy, won't you carry me home Miss Patsy, I looked at myself in the mirror Decided I needed some work Got me a nose job, a shave and a haircut To drive all them ladies berserk But the arm round my waist was a man in dark blue He said, Ain't you him? We've been looking for you Now I'm sharing a cell with a holy kung fu Miss Patsy, no more will I roam Miss Patsy, won't you carry me home