The Body Remembers

When I slammed my knuckle in the pantry door
Whispering: Grow up, like a mantra, fetal on the floor
I thought, the body remembers, of course it does
Yet I'm still surprised every time I get cut

And yes I know the answers to like two whole things
But I can talk until my mouth hurts, till my lips dry sting
Because the body remembers the body creates
And the mind is the body, even though that seems fake

But what if
That feeling I get sometimes
Where I could hold my lungs in my hand
My tongue and my temples
Each taken apart
And newly reassembled
Means something
Means that I am a specialized record
And if I just spin out with some effort I land
No map and no tour guide
In cells and in sand
That knew me before I existed

When you took your scissors to the yellowed edge
With your eyes and hands persuading, the blade at my head
I thought the body remembers, we've been over that
Yet I'm still surprised when I hate who looks back
And I don't know the answers, but I'm always struck
By how I talk until mouth hurts, till the phone hangs up
Because the body remembers the body breaks down
And the mind is the body, wish it wasn't right now

But what if
That feeling I get sometimes
Where I could hold my lungs in my hand
My tongue and my temples
Each taken apart
And newly reassembled
Means something
Means that I am a specialized record
And if I just spin out with some effort I land
No map and no tour guide
In cells and in sand
That knew me before I existed

And I shave my fingerprints off
And I'll lose some teeth
Or a strand of hair
And I'll dig my cheeks till they're gaunt
Change my DNA just to prove that I'm there
Oh, I'll be here 'cause I'm gone
Pain's not a factor
Pain is a fact, I'm the reactor
Sensory sprawling
Manual input
I should just call it, I should

But what if
That feeling I get sometimes
Where I could hold my lungs in my hand
My tongue and my temples
Each taken apart
And newly reassembled
Means something
Means that I am a specialized record
And if I just spin out with some effort I land
No map and no tour guide
In cells and in sand
That knew me before I