Catch a shooting star and put it in your pocket And your pants will start on fire One bird in the hand, or two birds in the bush Neither do you any good, when you're stuck in the quagmire Show everyone you're not sure that they're telling the truth Then you can be known as the universal cynic too Benefit your fellow man with good deeds for the day And you'll serve your life away Pennies saved today are pennies still tomorrow Strewn upon the desk, piled up in the paper weight Show everyone you're not sure that they're telling the truth Then you can be known as the universal cynic too Wipe your opaque eyes and restore your crystal vision Turn another cheek and exalt in your decision A bit of exercise for the universal cynic in you Early to bed and early to rise Precludes you from seeing the most brilliant starry nights Sticks and stones can break bones, words can't really hurt Unless you carry guns, and are hungry for a fight Challenging the standards, or questioning the established rules Trying to understand how they can benefit you Showing everyone you're not sure that they're telling the truth Just a bit of exercise for the universal cynic in you The universal cynic is you