[Jeremy] C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go I'm waiting for my porno to load My brain is gonna freaking explode And now, of course, it's time to hit the road Which means I'll be uncomfortable all day But that really isn't such a change If I'm not feeling weird or super strange My life would be in utter disarray 'Cause freaking out is my okay Good morning, time to start the day C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go Dad! Haven't you heard of pants? [Mister Heere] We're all men in this house Pretend we're in the army [Jeremy] But you're driving me to school [Mister Heere] Oh, yeah, I know I promised, buddy, I'm just I'm not sure if I'll ever go outside today You understand? [Jeremy] Yeah, sure, just When I get home, please, have pants on, okay? [Mister Heere] Ten-hut! [Jeremy] Do I take a bus or walk instead? I feel my stomach filling up with dread When I get nervous, my whole face goes red Dude, weigh the options calmly and be still A junior on the bus is killer weak But if I walk, when I arrive, I'm gonna straight up reek And my boxers will be bunchy and my pits will leak Ugh, God, I wish I had the skill To just be fine and cool and chill I don't wanna be a hero Just wanna stay in the line I'll never be a Rob DeNiro For me, Joe Pesci is fine So I follow my own rules and I use them as my tools To stay alive I don't wanna be special, no, no I just wanna survive [Jeremy and company] C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go [Jeremy] Girls! Woah! [Jake] Oh, Chloe, I, I just think we should see other people [Chloe] Oh, my God, I feel the exact same way [Jake] Hah, cool! Shit! [Brooke] You are so mature [Chloe] Brooke! [Brooke] I mean, I hate him [Chloe] What are you staring at? [Rich] Woah, don't touch me, tall ass [Jeremy] Sorry, I was just trying to get to my locker [Rich] You wash this off You're dead! [Jeremy] I navigate the dangerous hall Focus on a poster there on the wall Avoiding any eye contact at all And trying hard to remain unseen The poster's closer now, what does it say? Oh, it's a sign-up for the after-school play It's a sign-up sheet for getting called gay And that's not what I need right now, end scene I hang a left and there's Christine Christine Christine Christine Canigula, Christine [Christine] Excuse me? [Jeremy] Yeah? [Christine] I think someone wrote BOYF on your backpack [Jeremy] I Uh Well, that was smooth, yeah, that was super pimp My Mac Daddy game couldn't be more limp No time to wallow, no, instead Just clear your brain and move ahead Accept that you're one of those guys Who'll be a virgin till he dies I don't wanna be a baller Just want some skills to count on If my nuts were any smaller They would be totally gone If I continue at this rate, the only thing I'll ever date Is my MacBook Pro hard drive I don't wanna be Clooney, no, no, I just wanna survive [Jenna] Chloe, Chloe, I heard about you and Jake [Chloe] Not now, Jenna [Jenna] And I saw him flirting with Madeleine [Chloe] I have to see this! [Jeremy] Michael! [Michael] Jeremy, my buddy, how's it hanging? Lunch is banging Had my sushi, got my slushie and more The roll was negimaki and I'm feeling kinda cocky 'Cause the girl at Sev'-Elev' gave me a generous pour [Jeremy] You're listening to Bob Marley again, aren't you? [Michael] Oh, I'm listening to Marley and the groove is hella gnarly And we're almost at the end of the song Yeah, that was the end, now tell me, friend, how was class? You look like ass, what's wrong? [Jeremy] BOYF? What does that even mean? [Michael] My mothers would be thrilled [Jeremy] I hate this school [Michael] It's all good, hey, I saw on Discovery That humanity has stopped evolving [Jeremy] That's good? [Michael] Evolution's Survival of the Fittest, right? But now, because of technology You don't have to be strong to survive Which means there's never been a better time in History to be a loser, ha [Jeremy] Thanks? [Michael] So own it! Why try to be cool when you can be— [Jeremy] Signing up for the play! [Michael] I was gonna say getting stoned in my basement, but [Jeremy] No, I mean, look who's signing up for the play Christine [Michael] Christine [Jeremy and Michael] Christine Christine Canigula, Christine Christine Christine [Jeremy, Michael and company] Christine Canigula Christine Canigula [Jeremy] (Ooh-ah) I feel my body moving through the air (Ooh-ah) see my Converse walking over there (Ooh-ah) take a shaky breath and I prepare (Ooh) who cares if people think I'm lame? (Ooh) Christine signed, I'll do the same (Ah-ah) I grab the pen, I write my name [Rich] Gay! [Chloe] I like gay people [Jeremy] I'm never gonna be the cool guy I'm more the one who's left out Of all the characters at school I am not the one who the stories about Why can't someone just help me out And teach me how to thrive? [Jeremy and company] Help me to more than survive Ah, ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah More than survive Na, na-na-na-na, na-na More than survive Na, na-na-na-na, na-na [Jeremy] If this was an apocalypse, I would not need any tips In how to stay alive But since the zombie army's yet to descend and the period is going to end I'm just trying my best to pass the test and [Jeremy and company] Survive (c-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go) Survive (c-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go) (C-c-c-c'mon, c-c-c-c'mon, go, go) go, go Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go!