Now, when I was young, and my figure was sleek (Memories) I had a different gal every night of the week And each gal knew for certain which was her day You see, their names were Sandy, Mandy Trudy, Wendy, Ferdy, Heidi, and Sally-May And when people ask me why I never married Why I never took a wife, one of my own, that is I say it's because I have been in love with screen stars all my life Well, when our padre said: Now, can you name the five disciples, my son? I said: Well, I sure can they're Matthew, Mark, Olivia Newton-John You see I'm fond o' Jane Fonda, but is Jane fond o' me? I'm mad on a lady called Madonna, but Madonna ain't mad on me I'm ready for Helen Reddy Hell, I'm ready as I'm ever gonna be And if I could see more o' Jane Seymour, I'd let Jane see more o' me and there's a lot to see If I saw Ursula Andress (undress), I'd be dying to take a second look I would sue Sue Cook if Sue cooked my goose, I'd rather goose Sue Cook I'd let Gloria Gaynor (gain a) little bit of weight as we'd picnic by Joan Rivers If I could get my burly chassis up close to Shirley Bassey I would boogie-woof my Googie Withers I'd like to get Lesley-Anne Down down to my cottage about the bay I told Esther Rantzen I would put my best pants on if she'd come with me down Mexico way But when I assured Anna Ford that we can afford to fly to Cuba, she'd just say no Well, if I can't have Anna in Havana, I'll see Esther (siesta) in Mexico Well, that's life! (I'll see Esther in Mexico!)