Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee My lovely auntie lil took our bus inspector bill Into her bedroom and, with great annoyance, said Outside our house, you've put a stop And all the passengers on top Can look in and see my husband and me in bed He said: You're joking She said: You'll see Just lie down on the bed with me So, he laid down with her to avoid more fuss Her old man came in and saw 'em, but bill kept his decorum He said: It's alright, I'm just waiting for a bus The early morning mist The first time that we kissed outside the churchyard Some words of wisdom spoken by A gentleman whose face was old and lined The swiftly fading memory of a song That we used to sing as children These are the things you'll find among The ashes of the dustbins of your mind Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee On an outing by the sea, two old men sat near to me Took off their boots for a paddle by the pier One of them said You rotten swine Your feet are dirtier than mine He said: Of course they are, I didn't come last year And on the sea wall by the sand, a boy was holding in his hand A cornet he bought from the cafeteria He dropped it down a lady's neck, and she 'ollered Bloomin' 'eck! That seagull must've flown in straight from siberia Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee When charlie passed away, his young wife heard him say I've been unfaithful to you many times, my dear She said Darling, never mind. In fact, I knew it all the time That's why I put that arsenic in your beer Old ted once took a fence – it was the one outside our gents It was opened up officially last year And it was christened by lord grey People came from miles away 'Cause they'd heard tell that he was a liberal peer Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee Lah-dah-dah-dah-lah-dah-dee, lah-dah-dah-dee Lah-dah-dah-dah