Now, to the side of Catcher's Lake There lives a big guy known as Jake Why, he's so tough he leaves the shells on when he swallows clams Why, he's so hard and mean and cruel He darns his socks with steel wool He's so stupid he thinks it comes from hydraulic rams He's got a neighbor called Leroy And he sure does hate this boy 'Cause he's a smartass, got a quick brain in his head Why, he could sell a nudist clothes Or ice cream to Eskimoes I reckon he could even sell the Pope a double bed Jake is at the bar swillin' gin When young Leroy ambles in Says: Ain't been in this here place since I was a kid I see they've done up the saloon But I sure do miss that old spittoon And Jake looks up and says: Boy, you always did There is trouble brewin' in El Paso Very soon, there's gonna be a showdown Men, forget your guns and lassos And womenfolk, get out of town Leroy says: Why is he such a louse? And last week, I was in his house He entertained me royally, I had quite a groove And by the side of my plate of ham I seen a napkin with a monogram Or I thought it was until I saw it move I ain't gonna say he's mean But outside his house I seen A man with a bill for five days on the run Jake says: Look, I shoot to kill Would you swear that was a man with a bill? He said: Well, either that or a duck with a stetson on Jake said: You pushed my grandpa off the roof He said: You know that ain't the truth He just slipped into the rain barrel with my cousin Beth And for hours, Annet and Carol Tried to sorta lift him outta the barrel Well, that old boy was ecstasy'd to death There is trouble brewin' in El Paso Very soon there's gonna be a showdown Men, forget your guns and lassos And womenfolk, get out of town Leroy says: You oughta take more care When you go out a-huntin' bear You shot my prized pig and watched him die Jake says: To show my heart's real big I'm gonna replace your pig He says: Okay, you'll find the sow out in the sty He says: I like Jenny Lark She claims that one night, in the dark She was raped by your son, Joe, she swears it's true He said: Well, if it was dark, how did she know That it was my son, Joe? He said: Because she had to show him what to do Leroy puts down his beer He says: I'm gettin' outta here He wanders off into the night so black Then, they see Jake depart And they know that in their heart Only one of them boys is a-comin' back Jake was buried outta town Just six feet underground And they couldn't pin his murder on a soul Because he was tyin' up a knot In his shoelace when he was shot And the sheriff never found the bullet hole There is no more trouble in El Paso Time for us to have a real high hoedown Throw away your guns and lassos This is a real nice peaceful town