Now, it was Christmas Day in the jailhouse The old man sat in his cell Put out your pudding, for treacle He heard the warden yell If you want treacle on your pudding Put it out without delay The old man put out his pudding And the warden took it away What a world, (what a world) what a place, (what a place) Ain't you glad you're a member of the human race? Now, the folksinger came from America To sing at the Albert Hall He sang his songs of protest And fairer shares for all He sang how the poor were much too poor And the rich too rich by far Then he drove back to his penthouse In his brand new Rolls-Royce car What a world, (what a world) what a place, (what a place) Ain't you glad you're a member of the human race? Now, Annie's a shorthand typist Working for the BBC Her brother Jackie's in prison Doing three years for forgery Her sister Josie's in Holloway In Dartmoor is her Uncle Jim And her dad runs a pirate radio ship But she never talks about him What a world, (what a world) what a place, (what a place) Ain't you glad you're a member of the human race? Now, three old maids had a she-cat Kept her indoors night and day Kept her away from the he-cats Thought she'd like it better that way Then one old maid went and got married The next morning, she hastened to write A note to the others, which simply said Let kitty out tonight What a world, (what a world) what a place, (what a place) Ain't you glad you're a member of the human race? Now, the button was pressed, the world destroyed Leaving just one solitary man And at the top of the Empire State Building His lonely existence began But his loneliness was too much, so he jumped And he fell like a bird with one wing And as he passed the seventh floor He heard the telephone ring What a world, (what a world) what a place, (what a place) Ain't you glad you're a member of the human race?