Attention! Breaking news The world is getting worse And you are too Yeah, attention! Breaking news The cats are all gone So is the color blue Yes, attention! Breaking news You just got gum stuck to both of your shoes Yeah, attention! Breaking news Over half of the time you will always lose New research says you annoy all of your friends You're behind on the latest collectible trends The trees burned down There are no more trees The sky is turning purple And the kids are catching fleas Now, for tonight's top story Theme park terror strikes at freedom kingdom The animatronic Abraham Lincoln From the presidential log ride Has reportedly escaped the park Police are reporting that the android removed the rubber faces From the rest of the animatronic presidents And was last seen boarding a shuttle headed off-world Officials are warning all citizens of neighboring planets To report any suspicious activity The android is presumed armed and dangerous