This book deals with epiphenomenalism
Which has to do with consciousness as a mere accessory of physiological processes
Whose presence or absence makes no difference
Whatever are you doing?

Aphra Benn: Hello
Cervantes: Donkey
Daniel Defoe: To christen the day!
Samuel Richardson: Hello
Henry Fielding: Tittle-tattle tittle-tattle
Lawrence Sterne: Hello
Mary Wolstencraft: Vindicated!
Jane Austen: Here I am!
Sir Walter Scott: We're all doomed!
Leo Tolstoy: Yes!
Honoré de Balzac: Oui
Edgar Allen Poe: Argh!
Charlotte Brontë: Hello
Emily Brontë: Hello
Anne Brontë: Hello?
Nikolai Gogol: Vas chi
Gustav Flaubert: Oui
William Makepeace Thackeray: Call me William Makepeace Thackeray
Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter A
Herman Melville: Ahoy there!
Charles Dickens: London is so beautiful this time of year
Anthony Trollope: Good-good-good-good evening!
Fyodor Dostoevsky: Here come the sleepers
Mark Twain: I can't even spell Mississippi!
George Eliot: George reads German
Emile Zola: J'accuse
Henry James: Howdy Miss Wharton!
Thomas Hardy: Ooo-arrr!
Joseph Conrad: I'm a bloody boring writer
Katherine Mansfield: [cough cough]
Edith Wharton: Well hello, Mr James!
DH Lawrence: Never heard of it
EM Forster: Never heard of it!

Happy the man, and happy he alone
Who in all honesty can call today his own
He who has life and strength enough to say
Yesterday's dead and gone, I want to live today

James Joyce: Hello there!
Virginia Woolf: I'm losing my mind!
Marcel Proust: Je me'en souviens plus
F Scott Fitzgerald: Baa bababa baa
Ernest Hemingway: I forgot the
Hermann Hesse: Oh es ist alle so häßlich
Evelyn Waugh: Whoar!
William Faulkner: Tu connait William Faulkner?
Anaïs Nin: The strand of pearls
Ford Maddox Ford: Any colour, as long as it's black!
Jean-Paul Sartre: Let's go to the dome, Simone!
Simone de Beauvoir: C'est exact present
Albert Camus: The beach, the beach
Franz Kafka: What do you want from me?!
Thomas Mann: Mam
Graham Greene: Call me Pinky, lovely
Jack Kerouac: Me car's broken down
William S Burroughs: Wow!

Happy the man, and happy he alone
Who in all honesty can call today his own
He who has life and strength enough to say
Yesterday's dead and gone, I want to live today

Kingsley Amis: [cough]
Doris Lessing: I hate men!
Vladimir Nabokov: Hello, little girl
William Golding: Achtung Busby!
JG Ballard: Instrument binnacle
Richard Brautigan: How are you doing?
Milan Kundera: I don't do interviews
Ivy Compton Burnett: Hello
Paul Theroux: Have a nice day!
Günter Grass: I've found snails!
Gore Vidal: Oh, it makes me mad!
John Updike: Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run
Kazuro Ishiguro: Ah so, old chap!
Malcolm Bradbury: Stroke John Steinbeck, stroke JD Salinger
Iain Banks: Too orangey for crows!
AS Byatt: Nine tenths of the law, you know
Martin Amis: [burp]
Brett Easton Ellis: Argh!
Umberto Eco: I don't understand this either
Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Mi casa es su casa
Roddy Doyle: Ha ha ha!
Salman Rushdie: Names will live forever