This book deals with epiphenomenalism Which has to do with consciousness as a mere accessory of physiological processes Whose presence or absence makes no difference Whatever are you doing? Aphra Benn: Hello Cervantes: Donkey Daniel Defoe: To christen the day! Samuel Richardson: Hello Henry Fielding: Tittle-tattle tittle-tattle Lawrence Sterne: Hello Mary Wolstencraft: Vindicated! Jane Austen: Here I am! Sir Walter Scott: We're all doomed! Leo Tolstoy: Yes! Honoré de Balzac: Oui Edgar Allen Poe: Argh! Charlotte Brontë: Hello Emily Brontë: Hello Anne Brontë: Hello? Nikolai Gogol: Vas chi Gustav Flaubert: Oui William Makepeace Thackeray: Call me William Makepeace Thackeray Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter A Herman Melville: Ahoy there! Charles Dickens: London is so beautiful this time of year Anthony Trollope: Good-good-good-good evening! Fyodor Dostoevsky: Here come the sleepers Mark Twain: I can't even spell Mississippi! George Eliot: George reads German Emile Zola: J'accuse Henry James: Howdy Miss Wharton! Thomas Hardy: Ooo-arrr! Joseph Conrad: I'm a bloody boring writer Katherine Mansfield: [cough cough] Edith Wharton: Well hello, Mr James! DH Lawrence: Never heard of it EM Forster: Never heard of it! Happy the man, and happy he alone Who in all honesty can call today his own He who has life and strength enough to say Yesterday's dead and gone, I want to live today James Joyce: Hello there! Virginia Woolf: I'm losing my mind! Marcel Proust: Je me'en souviens plus F Scott Fitzgerald: Baa bababa baa Ernest Hemingway: I forgot the Hermann Hesse: Oh es ist alle so häßlich Evelyn Waugh: Whoar! William Faulkner: Tu connait William Faulkner? Anaïs Nin: The strand of pearls Ford Maddox Ford: Any colour, as long as it's black! Jean-Paul Sartre: Let's go to the dome, Simone! Simone de Beauvoir: C'est exact present Albert Camus: The beach, the beach Franz Kafka: What do you want from me?! Thomas Mann: Mam Graham Greene: Call me Pinky, lovely Jack Kerouac: Me car's broken down William S Burroughs: Wow! Happy the man, and happy he alone Who in all honesty can call today his own He who has life and strength enough to say Yesterday's dead and gone, I want to live today Kingsley Amis: [cough] Doris Lessing: I hate men! Vladimir Nabokov: Hello, little girl William Golding: Achtung Busby! JG Ballard: Instrument binnacle Richard Brautigan: How are you doing? Milan Kundera: I don't do interviews Ivy Compton Burnett: Hello Paul Theroux: Have a nice day! Günter Grass: I've found snails! Gore Vidal: Oh, it makes me mad! John Updike: Run rabbit, run rabbit, run, run, run Kazuro Ishiguro: Ah so, old chap! Malcolm Bradbury: Stroke John Steinbeck, stroke JD Salinger Iain Banks: Too orangey for crows! AS Byatt: Nine tenths of the law, you know Martin Amis: [burp] Brett Easton Ellis: Argh! Umberto Eco: I don't understand this either Gabriel Garcia Marquez: Mi casa es su casa Roddy Doyle: Ha ha ha! Salman Rushdie: Names will live forever