Kitty calls me on the phone To say she's all alone And needs somebody's there Crystal sees into the future Tells me that she's an asshole Should have, but who really cares I sit here and wonder if we are sharing a different world And all these making emotions whirling around me swirl I'm in love with everybody's girl Look at Brenda there with Luke She's giving him the boot Ah, but Kelly's standing by Aw, and here comes my man Tom Ask her: Do you wanna? But I never even try I sit here and wonder if we are sharing a different world And all these deviant motions making the channels twirl And I'm in love with everybody's girl I'm spending Cinco de Mayo with my Maria Celebrating her independence with little Emily And should the new year should find you without Jenny There she'll be You'll find her under my tree Wrapped up and waiting for me If you call me on the phone Don't ever weep and moan You always find me there And if you see into the future Be so kind as Not to tell me what you find out there We'll lie in bed watching re-runs of another world Just like a drunk, better be no stuck on a tilt-a-whirl And I'm in love with everybody's I'm in love with everybody's I'm in love (Ew, you're creepy) With everybody's girl