Different city, new playground Running round, sniffing out Drugs like a greyhound Take the 101 South Head downtown To yet another warehouse I know I need to find a way out But the way I came in is blocked off House lights on Crowd goes home And I still can't stop And I won't take my bow just yet Got a couple stories left Need to get this shit off my chest And I'm done Gotta make my parents proud When they look at me now All they see is the damage I've done They don't like who I've become They miss the girl that I was Now I'm too sensitive Sad and directionless Wasted potential And more broken promises I'm the problem kid An embarrassment Might not say it out loud, but they're thinking it Opportunities come in like battleship Every time I get one, I start sinking it Overthinking shit Here comes the spiral again Pick up the bottle And oh here we go Got too drunk last night I threw up in the taxi Line after line Passing out in the backseat Yet another morning after She's so pretty when she's plastered When the night is long And her mind is gone What a beautiful disaster I get too high, I won't come back down I'm scared of heights But I'm more scared of the ground Head in the clouds I'm not coming down You can't catch me now I'm gone What a beautiful disaster (Eve, hi it's mom I haven't heard from you in a long time I texted you) What a beautiful disaster (I don't know if you're alright, no one's heard from you) What a beautiful disaster Drug cravings Long before I took my first sniff Had my first hit Of validation Innocent enough Just a little buzz Til I started searching in the wrong places Found friends who couldn't tell you what my name is Half a life Spent with strangers Now it's all blank pages And I won't put my pen down yet Still gotta make my amends Needa get this guilt off my chest And I'm done I just want to make 'em proud It's a real tough crowd And shame is a loaded gun Now I'm too quiet Cold and defiant Play it like I'm fine When I'm not I'm not the daughter they want I'm just the daughter they got I'm a letdown Disappointment Though they try hard to avoid it I see in their eyes Their annoyance I make peace with the pain So they think I enjoy it Like I self appoint it Like I wrote the script Predestined to ruin my future before it begins Here we go again Got too drunk last night I threw up in the taxi Line after line Passing out in the backseat Yet another morning after She's so pretty when she's plastered When the night is long And her mind is gone What a beautiful disaster I get too high, I won't come back down I'm scared of heights But I'm more scared of the ground Head in the clouds I'm not coming down You can't catch me now I'm gone What a beautiful disaster What a beautiful disaster What a beautiful disaster If I can be frank for a moment While I still have your focus I want to tell you about a little girl Who always felt broken Lost and hopeless Looking to others for reasons to keep on going As I sit here now It's still raining, and storming And I can't control it But There's beauty inside of the clouds They cry and reset with a smile in the morning And maybe that's all that it is Let go and move on Find new reasons to live Never thought I'd make it past sixteen This year I'll turn twenty-six