Before She Does

I believe that gas is too damn high;
An' there ain't nothin' more American than Momma's apple-pie.
I believe in love; I believe in peace,
But I don't believe we'll ever see it in that Middle-East.
I believe the Bible is cold, hard fact.
An' I believe that Jesus is comin' back before she does.

I believe the Sabbath is a day of rest;
The taxman an' the devil share the same address.
I believe: "Don't start." You're gonna quit.
I believe in "keep your mouth shut" an' "carry a big stick".
I believe that dogs are better than cats,
An' I believe that Jesus is comin' back before she does.

      There absolutely, positively,
      No doubt in my mind,
      That OJ did it; Lee Harvey didn't,
      An' she's real gone this time.

I believe that cold, cold beer,
Tastes better on a bar-stool than it does anywhere.
I believe hard work really makes the man.
But everyone should win a line every now an' then.
I believe it's best to pay in cash.
An' I believe that Jesus is comin' back before she does. 

      There absolutely, positively,
      No doubt in my mind,
      That OJ did it; Lee Harvey didn't,
      An' she's real gone this time.

I believe she was a real good thing:
Can you believe I let a girl like her get away?
I believe she meant it the night she packed,
An' said Jesus is comin' back before she does. 

Before she does.
Before she does.