Just minutes before you came to see me, I finished sobbing until my ribs broke Moments ago, I wiped the tears from my eyes Peeled the red from my cheeks, and the hurt from my voice My friend, you are the one I'm truly hiding from It's far too ugly inside Just seconds before you appeared, I tried to disappear forever Vanished like the words from my mouth that are left unspoken We lock eyes I want to beg for help but I can't It's been months since somebody asked me if I'm okay And even if they did, I wouldn't answer It's far too complex This isn't a simple sadness This is a complicated catastrophe I do not believe in me, so why would you My feelings disappear before I can figure them out My chest hurts, the inside My heart, my ribs, my pride I swallow it down and realize I'm not alright Last night, I dreamt of feeling okay and I didn't like it Because pain is perfect Scars are preferred And rotting is pleasant Ink dries as my words refuse to write Friends leave as my thumbs refuse to type Leaves fall and silent sobs erupt from within I fall to my knees and I beg Why me Why am I the prophet of pain When I don't have the words anymore I am lost I grasp for anything to distract me from wanting it all to end One day at a time Until the days begin to crumble Until I can't tell today from tomorrow Until your mouth blurs over and hearing your words become punishment Until my skin drips like candle wax Until pretty words burn upon pages And I am left alone You want someone to lift you up but I have fallen You need someone to wipe your tears but I am sobbing My outlet has become my own worst enemy Nothing is real And I am lost