[Lois] It seems today that all you see Is violence in movies and sex on TV [Peter] But where all those good 'ol fashioned values On which we use to rely? [Brian] It use to be a big time star Was elegant as Garbo, or Hedy Lamarr [Stewie] But now we get whores like Jenny Lopez You want to curl up and die Lucky there's a Family Guy Lucky there's a man who positively can do All the things that make us [Stewie] Laugh and cry He's our Family Guy [Louis] When I was young, the songs were fair With Mister Johnny Mathis, and Sonny and Cher [Peter] But now we get Justin Timber-homo [Louis] A heartache all gone awry! [Brian] The classic films were works of art The images were graceful, the stories were smart [Stewie] But now we get Matrix Revolution, I'm sorry I know this doesn't rhyme But what the hell were you Wachowski Brothers thinking?! Lucky there's a family guy Lucky there's a fella, sweeter than vanilla Wholesome as a piece of [Stewie] Apple pie He's a family guy [Lois] His smile's a simple delight [Chris] He lets me see the boobies on the internet sites [Lois] Peter! [Meg] He bought me my cute little hat [Brian] Yeah, we should have a talk about that About that! And his hat! [Brian] He's mastered the comedy arts [Stewie] He says, Look out, Hiroshima! Then casually farts [Lois] He's loaded with sexy appeal [Peter] And best of all my titties are real, Have a feel! [Brian] No thank you [Stewie] I gave it the office [Lois] The Brady Bunch has got their Mike And pretty Laura Petrie has Dicky Van Dyke But who around here could fill those loafers? But here's a happy reply Lucky there's a family guy Lucky there's a man who positively can do all the thing that Make us [Stewie] Laugh and cry! He's a Family Guy! He's a Family Guy