[Caligula] My name is Caligula A rotten, Roman pig-ula If you told me a fib-ula I'd hack your hands to stumps! One time, I killed a priest Who'd come to sacrifice a beast You'd think it's sad that he's deceased- We all laughed like chumps! I'm very hairy, but take note If you so much as whisper 'Goat! ' With an iron rod, you will be smote! In a good mood today, so I won't slit your throat I'm bad! (He's bad!) A shameless rotten cad! Do you still have limbs since meeting me? Then I guess you should be glad! [Elagabalus] Your nastiness was fabulous But my name's Elagabalus And I was far, far worse Just listen to my verse I was quite notorious For catapulting venomous Snakes at Rome's enormous Crowds, oh, how they fled If you won a lottery prize I'd give you bees, dead dogs, and flies My house guests got a nice surprise A lion in their bed! You'd think to children, I'd be cuter No, I was their biggest executor Used their guts to read the future Says here I should get a job as a school tutor! I'm bad! (He's bad!) Could argue I was sad! Hated through our empire From Great Britain to Baghdad! [Commodus] Afraid your claim is bogus 'Cause my name is Commodus And no one else could be A worse emperor than me There never was a greater Pretend gladiator If the booing got too loud Made the lions fight the crowd! Just one man was grander Julius Alexander So I killed him, see 'Cause I'm the emperor, me I'm bad! (He's bad!) My actions truly rad! [Nero] You only got the emperor job 'Cause you were chosen by your dad! To me, you all score zero My name is Emperor Nero Evil men you're not- I'm the worstest of the lot! (Wooh!) My rule was full of fear-o Yes, men from far and near-o Called me a fighting hero Or I would have them slayed! Changed the Olympic season So the medals went to me, son Burned Christians for no reason Just a fun game I played, you know Poisoned my stepbrother Ordered men to kill my mother Tried to drown her but she fled So I had her stabbed instead (Uh!) Wait! There's more! With my first wife, dear Octavia I showed truly bad behaviour Chopped her head off, gave it to My girlfriend who I then killed too! I'm bad! So baddy! Of badness, I'm the daddy! Come on, I want to see A more evil bloke than me! (Huh!) [All] You're bad! Real bad! Nothing more to add! We all thought that we were awful But you were really, truly mad! [Nero] I'm the baddest emperor the Romans ever had