I used to punish myself for existing Thought friends were waiting for the day I went missing I pushed them back with my thoughts Convinced that I was hated, I just reaped what a saught Imagined anger in jokes So every time they poked I shot back unprovoked It's not the way that I am But that's what self hatred can do to a man Let alone a man who doesn't want to be one Let alone a kid who thinks his life lacks reason Let alone a loner loser losing all his day-ones Everyday I wake up and rue what I have become