When I was young Saw football games At the great big stadium Could tell the fans >From out of town By the clown suits they had on 20,000 red cowboy hats Means Cornhuskers to you Mickey Mouse beans With tiger ears Shows you cheer ol' Mizzou Let's not forget the Razorbacks >From the U. of Arkansas With plastic pig snouts On their heads Soon eeeing, "How 'bout them Hawgs?" CHORUS That's Mascot Mania Mascot Mania Uh-huh Uh-huh Mascot Mania Mascot Mania Uh-huh Uh-huh I work all week At a job I hate Where everything goes wrong Weekend's what I live for To your church I belong I cross the street in San Francisco When a chump comes out of a bar Yellin', "Forty-Fuckin' Niiners, man" With his gold and red jacket on In Cleveland throwing dog biscuits Shows how much ya love them Browns While Bronco fans just hang their heads When the Super Bowl comes around Raider jacket dollars Got the White Sox wearin' black Statues of Joe Paterno Sold in gift shops at Penn State That's Mascot Mania Don't make fun of religious rituals In any place Lord help you if you laugh While they do this with a straight face Outside of the United States It gets even more bizarre In Tokyo they got a baseball team They call the Carp The Salmonnbellies are the pride of New Westminster, B.C. C'mon, Greg Wrckman, what's a Hoosier? And why do they throw chairs? When Sudbury, Ontario's Hockey team scores a goal They drag a stuffed wolf Cross the ice A fan shot at it once, ya know That's Mascot Mania Blue Streak Horned Frogs Long Horns Trojans Someone better tell Tipper Gore 'Bout the names of these here teams Tar Heels Garnecocks Blue Devils Crimson Tide Real Indians Sick of Redskins And Tomahawk chops It seems to me That to stay mean These names should change with time The NEw York Muggers Detroit Murders And Chicago Mob Boston Bigots Texas Swindlers And the L.A. Cops Miami Drugs New Jersey Dumps Take on the Denver Smog Seattle Fads New Orleans Hoods Milwaukee Cannibals San Diego Jarheads ANd the Arizona Drought That's Mascot Mania Uh-huh Uh-huh Go Carp, go! Salmonbellies rule! Hit 'em harder cops! But a hockey team called the Mighty Ducks? Aw, man. Heads explode when Dallas Oswalds Meet Washington Bribes Home team bands play "Cop Killer" When L.A. comes to town Pittsburgh Polluters Houston Drive-Bys Don't stir near the fear When the Florida Abortion Bombers Meets the San Francisco Queers That's Mascot Mania Uh-huh Uh-huh Anywhere ya go The game's the same old thing Bet your money on the Bribes They always win