What do 
 Crystal Gayle 
  Dorothy Hamill 
   Don King
    Lyle Lovett
     and Gloria Steinem have in common

They are Prisoners of Their Hairdos 
Prisoners of Their Hair
If they changed the way they combed their hair 
They'd never be recognized anywhere
They're prisoners 

What do 
 Stevie Nicks
  Leon Redbone
   Pee Wee Herman
    Tom Wolfe 
     and Pope John Paul have in common

They are prisoners of their wardrobes 
Prisoners of their clothes
If they changed the outfits that they wear
Nobody would stop and stare
They're prisoners

It's a little tragic, it's a little weird 
ZZ Top are prisoners of their beards 
Imagine them weightless in outerspace 
Beards and shades flyin' all over the place 

Don't worry, that'll never happen, except maybe in a music video 

There's a very fine line 
Between a groove and rut 
Fine line between eccentrics 
And people who are just plain nuts 
Aw but why should I concern myself 
With such superficial fare
'Cause I'm a prisoner of these stupid thoughts 
Which is worse than being a prisoner of my haaaaair do

I wonder if Crystal Gayle has ever had a bad dream about being trapped with Ted Koppel, 
and Mary Travers. Being chased by a wild pack of sissors toward a swimming pool filled with
Nair. Oh my gawd what a nightmare that would be for Crystal Gayle. 
Wake up Crystal Gayle. 
Wake up.

Oh no, here comes Dolly Parton. What is she doing in this song? 
She's only a prisoner of a wig. 
Get out of here Dolly, you don't belong. 
No offense.

Oh my goodness! It's the B-52's. 
They're not prisoners of
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