I still haven't found a girlfriend Though I've tried a lot So, can you help me, please? It's tougher than I thought The odds are pretty good But the goods are pretty odd Though at this point I'll take anything you've got I see this all the time Nice girls in love with jerks What could they be thinking? Tell me how it works If I got some problems Well I wouldn't be the first But the ones I have in mind are even worse And even Hitler had a girlfriend Who he could always call That would always be there for him In spite of all his faults He was the worst guy ever Reviled and despised Even Hitler had a girlfriend So why can't I? Why can't I? Life is full of contradictions Hard to understand And for every happy woman There's a lonely man Nixon had his puppy Charles Manson had his clan God forbid that I get a girlfriend Even Hitler had a girlfriend Who he could call his own To sweeten days of bitterness And feeling all alone I'm not as bad as Hitler But that doesn't mean a thing Since they'd rather be with Hitler, more than me I don't see, why they'd rather be with Hitler More than me