Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter Condemned by every syllable she uttered By law, she should be taken out and hung For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue Aaoow Aaoow Heaven's, what a noise! This is what the British population Calls an elementary education Oh, Counsel, I think you picked a poor example Did I? Hear them down in Soho square Dropping h's everywhere Speaking English anyway they like You sir, did you go to school? What do you tike me for, a fool? No one taught him take instead of tike Hear a Cornishman converse I'd rather hear a choir singing flat Chickens cackling in a barn Just like this one Garn I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that? It's aow and garn that keep her in her place Not her wretched clothes and dirty face Why can't the English teach their children how to speak? This verbal class distinction by now should be antique If you spoke as she does, sir Instead of the way you do Why, you might be selling flowers, too I beg your pardon, sir! An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him The moment he talks, he makes some other Englishman despise him One common language, I'm afraid we'll never get Oh, why can't the English learn to Set a good example to people whose English is painful to your ears? The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears There even are places where English completely disappears In America, they haven't used it for years Why can't the English teach their children how to speak? Norwegians learn Norwegian The Greeks have taught their Greek In France, every Frenchman knows his language fro A to Zed The French never care what they do, actually As long as they pronounce in properly Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening! But use proper English, you're regarded as a freak Oh, why can't the English Why can't the English learn to speak?