Every night I pray I don't wake up again Razor on the sink, demons under my skin Being the oldest feels more like a curse Better me than my brother lying in a hearse I smile so he won't see the blood in my head Carry his future while I'm wishing I was dead I can't let him know what it feels like inside So I take the bullet's and I swallow the lies Cigarettes burning holes in my lungs Liquor in my veins till I go numb I don't wanna live but I can't die Thank God it's me, not him Mama don't notice, daddy don't care I scream in my silence, nobody's there If I put a gun to my mouth tonight Would they cry for me, or just turn off the light? I'm drowning in pills, I'm drowning in guilt A coffin of secrets that I had to build If someone had to suffer, I'm glad that it's me 'Cause my brother deserves what I'll never be And if I go first, don't you tell him the truth Say his sister was strong, not shattered and bruised I'm the broken one, I was born to take the fall Better me than him, losing nothing at all Cigarettes burning holes in my lungs Liquor in my veins till I go numb I don't wanna live but I can't die Thank God it's me, not him