G C G Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my feet are too long G A D My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong G C G My friends they all tell me, that I've no friends at all G D G Won't you write me a letter, won't you give me a call C D G Signed Bewildered Bewildered, Bewildered you have no complaint You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster listen up good Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my fountain pen leaks My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead Signed Unhappy Unhappy, Unhappy, you have no complaint ... You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster listen up good Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood Dear Abby, Dear Abby, you won't believe this But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head But my stomach tells me to write you instead Signed Noisemaker. Noisemaker, Noisemaker, you have no complaint ... You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster listen up good Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood Dear Abby, Dear Abby, well I never thought That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught We were sittin' in the back seat just shootin' the breeze With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees Signed Just Married Just Married, Just Married, you have no complaint ... You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't So listen up buster listen up good Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood