So um, actually I was in love with this fella’s best friend He was way more good looking, and um Anyway, he fancied my best friend So that kinda screwed things up for me But I thought, you know If I get together with the best mate I get to hang out with the guy I really like So I did, you know? Um, but I was a virgin And he was not That’s true He was also, I think, a drug addict already But um, anyway So we hung out as a foursome a lot He was a terrible kisser And the other guy looked like a really good kisser I used to watch the others kissing And it was like, hot, really hot Anyway, finally, we go to this party And my sister is dating this-guy-I'm-seeing’s brother, right? So they go off for a wander in a field And I know what they’re going to do And then the guy I'm seeing says Do you want to go for a walk? And I'm like: Oh, shit But I went: OK, sure And he was leaving that night to go to the airport So I thought, you know, what can go wrong? If it does go wrong, he’s leaving, so You know, if he abducts me He can only abduct me for, like, an hour So then we go for a walk And uh, we lie down in this field And there’s a full Moon, and it’s so romantic Except, it’s not romantic Because there’re fucking prickles all over my ass And like, in my head and my neck And he’s like dry-humping me But I just go with it, you know And then he’s like getting his donger out And putting on a you-know-what And then he goes: Guide me And I'm like: No