Once upon a time No, no. I can't begin like that That's how beautiful stories start The kind you tell children before bed I know where you are You're in my mind You won't leave, will you? You can't, can you? You're like a shadow that follows me An echo in a tunnel that never fades But I want you gone Go Leave me again, it shouldn't be hard Just take another path, you've done it before Leave me! I could start the story like in children's books Once upon a time But I don't know how to do it You weren't there to teach me You never read me bedtime stories Never tucked me in All I know is that they start like that And then? Once upon a time what? There's nothing, only emptiness A black hole that consumes everything around it I remember your photos The only things I have left of you I look at them as if they're clues To a crime I never managed to solve In one of them, you're smiling A smile I don't recognize As it belongs to another life, another person Were you really happy? Or was it just for the camera? Why did you leave? Why? The why stage has lasted my whole life I've never outgrown it I'm still just a five-year-old child Lost in an endless corridor of unanswered questions I wonder, did you ever think of me? Did you? You're the sound of a broken clock Always marking the same second You're so present in my mind That sometimes I feel you can hear my thoughts You linger in my memory, repeating over and over You're like the decayed skin of a snake That has to be shed for it to grow I don't want you here Go! But you won't You never do You're a wound that won't heal A thorn buried deep I know it's your fault My life, my father's end, everything He died in the same emptiness you left He drank until he felt nothing Until he was utterly lost Sometimes I think he taught me a lesson Alcohol is an escape But it doesn't work I've tried It's your fault Always yours But it's mine too, isn't it? Because I let you stay here, inside me Today, once again, the thought crept in Silence. Peace. The end Wouldn't it be easier? Wouldn't it be fair? To take this pain, this emptiness, and erase it forever? To put an end to all the whys, to your voice in my head At the same time, there's something in me That won't let me I don't know if it's anger or stubbornness But I'm still here I'm still breathing Maybe it's because I'm afraid of proving you right Maybe because if I walk through that door, you win Happily ever after No My story doesn't end like that Not yet