My father came here from his home in Ireland He was quiet but they said that he was wise He and Mother did their best, gave us a home and all the rest But to talk to us he never had the time Sure, he'd say: Pass the butter, or Come here young man, or Keep quiet, or No you can't have a dime Until the day that I was leavin' when Dad finally found a reason For sharing his philosophy of life He said A monkey fart should smell like a banana English farts should smell like cups of tea The farting of a fairy should be very light and airy When a father farts I hope you'll think of me An Irish fart should always lilt with laughter It should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well A lion's fart should roar with power Cuckoos should fart every hour A nun's fart should have meaning but no smell A strong man's fart should sound out like a trumpet A pretty girl's should barely even squeak But the person you can trust is the one who'd rather bust Than ever let one rip right on the street Well, from my old man this really was an earful I tried to understand just what he meant His words were primitive but strong so I wouldn't get them wrong He was saying to be careful as I went He was saying to be happy as I could be He was saying watch my step and as I pass To beware who I look up to, and whatever else I might do Know that most of what you get from folks is just escaping gas He said A monkey fart should smell like a banana English farts should smell like cups of tea The farting of a fairy should be very light and airy When a father farts I hope you'll think of me An Irish fart should always lilt with laughter It should melt your heart and melt your shorts as well A lion's fart should roar with power Cuckoos should fart every hour A nun's fart should have meaning but no smell A strong man's fart should sound out like a trumpet A pretty girl's should barely even squeak But the person you can trust is the one who'd rather bust Than ever let one rip right on the street