Well, there's a new sensation in the neighborhood And self-gratification never felt so good You don't need a lot of training in the ways of love Just a good firm grip and a Playtex glove I see you standing in the corner at the high school dance Get out on the floor and get out of your pants I see your hands swinging loose to the beat of the bands But there's a brand new beat and you can use both hands You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat Doing the pubic beat You gotta put your inhibitions up away on the shelf And when the feeling starts to hit you, get a grip on yourself All the uptight people will be heading for the door But won't you stick around with me and make a mess on the floor? You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat Doing the pubic beat I see your hands swinging loose to the beat of the bands But there's a brand new beat and you can use both hands And all the uptight people will be heading for the door Why don't you stick around with me and make a mess on the floor? You're gonna look so sweet, so indiscreet With your hands on your meat, turning red as a beet You're gonna look so sweet on the toilet seat Doing the pubic beat