C Dm F
C Dm F
C G F C G
N.C.
Good mornin! Good mornin!
C F
We stand before the journey
C Dm F
That leads us all
C G C G
To Oregon! To Oregon
C F
A pioneer adventure
C Dm F
Down the trail
C G F
To Oregon
C G
To Wisconsin!
(To Oregon!)
N.C.
Grandpa? What? My legs hurt.
C F N.C.
By God's command we dare to land in- Wisconsin!
N.C.
We're going to Oregon, Grandpa. Well, I want to go to Wisconsin!
C Dm C
The promised land will not wait for us
C Dm C F
We leave our home with faith and trust
C Dm C G
We'll find the place of our destiny
C G C
And spread our family seed
C Dm C G
We'll find the place of our destiny
C G C
And spread our family seed
Em C Dm F G N.C. C Bb Am F
No-ooow the show begins...Ahhhhhmm
[Verse 1]
C Bb
Now our journey begins
Am
In the eighteen hundreds
F
In a little city in Missouri
C Bb
Before we start
Am
You decide on the names
F
Of all the people in our wagon party
[Pre-chorus]
Dm C
You must decide who these pioneers are
F G
Are they carpenters or bankers or leavin' their farm?
Dm C
It's time to spin a personal yarn
F G
Carefully choose each name
[Chorus]
C
Cause this is more than a game
Bb
It's more than a game
Am
Oh, yeah, it's more than a game
F
No two shows will ever be the same
[Verse 2]
C Bb Am
My first pioneer will be President Polk
F
I know he'd be a good leader of the wagon
C Bb Am
Good job now, dear, that's what we're goin for
F
You'd be extra careful not to kill him
C Bb Am
I think I would use my mom and dad's names of course
F
So I'll make sure they'll never get divorced
C Bb Am
That might be too much information, but hey
F
It's great to have a personal connection
[Verse 3]
Am C
I would make my family rich
Dm G
They'd be bankers from New York. Good.
Am C
Richie, Johnny, Emily and Peter and Sue
Dm G
Their bank fell down and now they're poor
Am Am7
That's great kids, keep up the good work
Dm G
Hey, Grandpa, what would your names be? Oh, well let me tell ya:
C Dm Am7 F
Dick-suck, Dick-face, Hairy-tit, and Dr. Butt-nugget
N.C. G
Grandpa, the hell is that supposed to mean? What? They're names!
N.C.
Hairytit? Grandpa, you're seeing a bad example for our pioneers here
N.C.
You're going to make them think it's a good idea to name thEir
N.C.
WAgon party stUpiD tHIngS. Well, they should.
[Chorus]
C Dm
We are gone to Oregon
C/E F
It's the greatest family vacation
F
It'll bring us together
Am7
Couldn't think of nothin' better, hey!
C G
Time for some family fun
N.C.
On the trail to Oreg-un
C Bb
Alright pioneers, what do you say?
Am
What would you like to name me, your wagon leader?
F
Jack Bauer!
C Bb Am F
Jack Bauer? I like the sound of that! Yeah!
[Verse 4]
C Bb Am
I'm Jack Bauer, a farmer from Illinois
F
All my skills will be useless on the trail
C Bb Am
My beautiful family is counting on me
F
A lot of pressure, I can't afford to fail
C Bb
Alright pioneers, now what would you
Am F
Like to name your wagon mother? Slippery-When-Wet!
C Bb
Oh, that is- Slippery-When-Wet!
Am F
That's super sexy. Yeah!
[Pre-Chorus]
Dm C
I'm Slippery-When-Wet and I'm a mother of two
F G
Could've been a banker, guess a farmer will do
Dm C F N.C.
Why did you get to choose?
N.C.
Well honey, I don't know if you know this but, uh, I wrote the show
N.C.
That's just how this one goes. Yeah, but we're not going to get very
C Bb
Far as a bunch of fucking farmers. Alright, honey!
Am F
Well, no wagon party is complete without a litter of younguns
C Bb
The eldest of which is Slippery-When-Wet and Jack Bauer's teenage daughter
Am F C Bb
What would you like to name her? Mouthface! Mouthface? I'll take it!
Am F C
And what about our all-American son with a face of an apple pie?
Bb Am F
Craphole! Hmm...Craphole? That sounds good! Yeah!
[Pre-chorus]
Am C Dm G
Craphole, yeah that's me, I'm seven and I'm male
Am C
Mouthface, is what my friends call me
Dm G
I'm lookin' for love on the trail. Ew gross!
[Bridge]
Dm C
I hope you're bit by a snake! I hope you break your back!
Bb F
Hey, I found wild fruit! Pay attention, Dad!
Dm C
We gonna stop at the forts? And I forgot to shave!
F F# F
Did we bring enough food? Can I write on Grandpa's grave?
Dm C F N.C.
Everyone just behave!
[Chorus]
C
Because it's only a game
Bb
It's only a game
Am
It's only a game
F
The Trail To Oregon is nothing but a game
C Dm
We'll be there soon in Oreg-oon
C/E F
Honestly it beats milking cow tits
F
We could be in the kitchen
Am7
Doing something with a chicken
C G
But we couldn't give less of a crap
G N.C.
Cause we're making it to Oreg-ap
C Bb
Alright, pioneers - let's get a move on
Am F
Wait a minute you shicken-kit son of a bitch!
C Bb
You forgot my name! How could I forget?
Am F
What would you like to name our lovely Grandpa?
C Bb Am
Titty-mitty! Titty-mitty?! I like that name! Course you do
F
(cheers)
[Chorus]
C Dm
It's time to run to Oreg-un
C/E F
It's too late to change the show now
F
You could go next door
Am7
And see something professional
C G
We wouldn't blame you a bit
G N.C.
If you're sitting through this Ore-shit
C Dm
We're Broadway bound in Oreg-ound
C/E F
Cause there's no Broadway in Chicago
F
Who will forget their name
Am7
And who will get the YouTube fame?
C G
These are questions to ask
G N.C. C Bb F
When you're playing Oreg-ask...
[Outro]
C Bb F
It's more than a game...
C Bb F G
Life is really great...
C C C
On the trail to Oreg-ate
