You're a douche, you're a douche You're a big fizzy douche You broke that poor girl's heart You're a douche, you're a douche You're a big fizzy douche You should have told the truth right from the start But my intentions were good I was no slave to my wood I wanted her to love me for me He does have lots of riches Which attracts a lot of bitches Thank you alan But you'll never be on glee O, crap If I may throw in my two cents Your love was based on a pretense Your relationship with mother is the blame You didn't suckle on her boobies You self-medicate with doobies Which explains why you used a made-up name Cue the refrain You're a douche, you're a douche You're a big fizzy douche Everything you said was a lie You're a douche, you're a douche You're a big fizzy douche But you're still a really, really handsome guy Thank you Then what am I to do So I don't always live with you Wow, that hurts my feelings But since I live there, beneath your ceilings I'll bite the pillow like the prison bitches do Ooooh If she gives me one more chance We can have a real romance If she doesn't we can party in my pants Excuse me, no disrespect But I have to interject What makes you think you can steal the show 'Cause I'm gay (You're so clearly from lA) Yes I'm gay (And he will always be that way) I'm gay (Or as his jersey friends would say) Yo, badda bing, he's a big old mo Excuse me, but we seem to be digressing And I find it to be quite distressing Can we sing about the problem that's at hand Can kate get over sam and love who I am You're confusing me for someone who gives a damn So, bottom line You're a douche, you're a douche You're a big fizzy douche And I'll die sad and alone You're a douche, you're a douche You're a big fizzy douche Hold it everybody, that's my phone Hello, kate? You're a douche Douche, douche, douche, douche Douchey douche douche douche Doooouche, you're a douche, oh, what a douche You couldn't say it meaner I'm a big vagina cleaner Didn't do what I ought to I'm vinegar and water On this we all agree (Oh yes, we all agree) Oh good, you finally see To shining sea Give me a d o you c h e - douche Give me a d o you c h e - douche Give me a d o you c h e - douche Drum roll You're a douche, you're a douche Just a big fizzy douche And that's all I'll ever be You're a douche, you're a douche You're a big fizzy douche And that's all you'll ever be Douche!