It's the day after Christmas, better lock your doors Before you come home and everything is on the floor I tried to rob a nigga but he was broker than I was So for Christmas, I can't hear my Nike light bulb jacket He thought he got mad, but he really got NC-double-A Called my cousin working at Allstate, talking bout he be in the streets You say you got a BMW, but you got a dune buggy You mad as hell cause it's Christmastime and you ain't go no money He ain't have a snowboard so he used his tub He ain't even have a house, so where is you gonna go? You ain't got no water in your house so you gotta bathe in the snow I went to Pizzapopolis and got me a pretzel You say you mad, but you slow like a snail I said I was a professional barber then I left him with no hair in the back Now he mad cause he ain't even got no hair in the back He about to walk around bald-headed and get his head smacked I bought a pet dog, now he mad cause he hit me with a log I locked my grandma's wig inside of the vault He ain't got no pencils so he gotta write with chalk I just got fired, I was a lumberjack for JC Penny