Stan The Man

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Born in nineteen thirty-five in 
Brooklyn, NY
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Son of Anna and Phil
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At nineteen years old he married my
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 mother Judy
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And immediately paid his first 
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Bloomingdale's bill

Right away they started on a family
Three smart kids popped out of mom's
 tummy
But then one steamy* night dad 
forgot to wear his raincoat
Nine months later out came the dummy

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But he took care of me

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Oh, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
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The coolest guy ever, I swear
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He stayed up all night making me a
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 clay volcano
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That's how I won the science fair

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He was 6'2, 200 and 50 lbs.
And as sweet as he was strong
He was also known to be pretty well 
endowed
But believe me he didn't pass that 
one along

His fav'rite singers were Leo Red 
Bone and Johny Cash
His favorite ball players were Cold 
Facts and Micky
His favorite restaurant was the 
state's delicatessen
His favorite movie was 'Little 
Nicky'

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Sorry 'Godfather I and II'
Maybe next time

Yeah, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
With a golf swing that made me cry
He'd take their money and put it in 
his top dresser drawer
Then I'd steal it so I could get 
high...
But he ... beat that habit ... out 
of me

So dad,
Thanks for letting me stay up late 
to watch Johny Carson
Thanks for coaching all our games in
 Livingston Park
Thanks for telling me to always 
punch a kid in the face
If he made an anti-Semitic remark

Yeah, and don't worry 'bout mom
We'll always look after her
Me, Scott, Val, Liz, and the 
grandkids
And when Jacky and I have children 
of our own
We'll try to raise them just the way
 you did

So say 'hi' to both my grandmas and 
grandpas
Tell my dog, Meatball, I miss him so
But most important, take advantage 
of being in heaven
And go bang Marylin Monroe
Mom said it's cool ... just wear a 
raincoat

Oh, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
Still is and always will be
'Cause he didn't give too much crap 
about nothin'
Except loving his family

Well 'Stan the Man' is gone*
But will always live on*