Join the Dead

Falling head over heels in pain
Wondering what could have led to this mistake

Black washes over me
I cannot see, this cannot be
Yet I know what I have done
Can’t take this back, I am to blame
No, this was not my fault
What of my friends or family?
What’d they do to deserve this
Neglected me, felt only a passive love for me

I refuse to believe
This so called life was not
Just passing time until the end
Choose based on others’ choices
Live based on others’ morals
Failure to follow suit
Leads only to painful punishment
I chose instead to join the dead

I hear them calling me
I won’t be fooled, they never cared
Never
Ignore the plethora of
Sweet nothings and hollow offers
Quiet
Respond with catatonic
Blank stares, false smiles
Fall
Become enraptured with
This endless void I’ve now joined
Keep falling until timeless sleep

I refuse to believe
This so called life was not
Just passing time until the end
Choose based on others’ choices
Live based on others’ morals
Failure to follow suit
Leads only to painful punishment
I chose instead to join the dead

As I continue
To fall into the black
I'm so surprised
To find I haven’t died
A glance overhead
Reveals a far off light
I now suspect
This may not be the end

Flung into the void
Must I now sow what I’ve reaped?
Am I now fated to fall forevermore?
Is this the end or the beginning?
Tumbling again and again and again
Hurtling towards an unknown destination

Crash landing, terra firma
Breathing dark air, seeing nothing
Hearing harsh screaming
Of unknown and yet close origin
Breathless and broken
Blameless and beaten
Loss of consciousness
Tunneling vision
Red pain and choked tears
Freed now at last
Like so many fallen stars
Forgotten once moments passed
This shambling withered husk
Joins the dead

As I no longer
Fall into the black
This lifeless body
Rests on the hard cold earth
It finds no comfort
In such a dreamless sleep
Laying in gentle repose
As all the others weep

I refuse to believe
This so called life was not
Just passing time until the end
Choose based on others’ choices
Live based on others’ morals
Failure to follow suit
Leads only to painful punishment
I chose instead to join the dead