This Hollow Ache

Alone
Within my thoughts
Reflecting
On all I've said and done
Never once
Have I felt satisfied
Never again
Will I even try

Anger, frustration
Emotions flare and seethe
Hands are shaking, filled with rage
Betrayal from loved ones
Real or fiction wound the same
These feelings and this thinking
Though unwarranted, undeserved
Lead to a place familiar
Back to my well of pain

As the initial shock of the pain fades away
These cuts, these punctures, these bruises
Dissolve to a hollow ache

And the cycle continues
The finger's pointed but the blame remains
Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade

Colors draining
My eyes go cold and gray
As I withdraw within
The ground beneath me starts to sink
As I am moving forward
Led deep into the garden
Led to a place familiar
Back to my well of pain

I know this place and why I'm here
All too well, guilt and shame
The center of the issues at hand
The center and the source of my hollow ache

And self pity, it beckons
Despite all I do it won't shake away
The more that I rationalize these thoughts the more they seem to inflame
And the cycle continues
The finger's pointed but the blame remains
Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade

The cycle of dwelling
It repeats, it replays
My hatred of my own mind
Upcycles and unravels
Self hatred and self loathing
Have become second nature
I'm learning to accept now
That this is good for no one

Break wide open
Resolve to rid those who've been inflicted with me
Of this plague out of shame

And self pity, it beckons
Despite all I do it won't shake away
The more I rationalize these thoughts the more they seem to inflame
And the cycle continues
The finger's pointed but the blame remains
Digging deeper within me just causes the world itself to fade

And the world opened up
And I gazed into blackness
And I looked all around me
And saw nothing but gray
I looked into myself
And found I matched the darkness
With not another thought
I dove into my well of pain