Vivid and Alive

I know its taking me forever to just give up.
But I am so far below that it is hard to just push stop.
If only I could count the times my body gave up,
maybe I would understand.
I wish I felt vivid and alive,
blowing up big holes in the sky.
Its so easy for you to erase what I create in this blurry haze.
The mask I polish every evening by the morning looks like shit.
And my head is a wreck theres no question about it.