A Hymn to Him

Why can't a woman be more like a man
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square
Eternally noble, historically fair
Who when you win will always give your back a pat
Why can't a woman be like that
Why does ev'ryone do what the others do
Can't a woman learn to use her head
Why do they do everything their mothers do
Why don't they grow up like their father instead
Why can't a woman take after a man
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please
Whenever you're with them, you're always at ease

Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours
Of course not
Would you be livid if I had a drink or two
Nonsense
Would you be wounded if I never sent you flowers
Never

Why can't a woman be like you
One man in a million may shout a bit
Now and then there's one with slight defects
One perhaps whose truthfulness you doubt a bit
But by and large we are a marvelous sex
Why can't a woman behave like a man
Men are so friendly, good-natured and kind
A better companion you never will find
If I were hours late for dinner would you bellow

Of course not
If I forgot your silly birthday, would you fuss
Nonsense
Would you complain if I took out another fellow
Never

Why can't a woman be like us
Why can't a woman be more like a man
Men are so decent, such regular chaps
Ready to help you through any mishaps
Ready to buck you up whenever you up whenever you are glum
Why can't a woman be a chum
Why is thinking something women never do
Why is logic never even tried
Straightening up their hair is all they ever do
Why don't they straighten up the mess that's inside
Why can't a woman be more like a man
If I were a woman who'd been to a ball
Been hailed as a princess to one and to all
Would I start weeping like a bathtub overflowing
Carry on as if my home were in a tree
Would I run off and never tell me where I'm going
Why can't a woman be like me