Again

I quit believing I never mattered the moment I saw her face
I stopped and prayed to God at the altar, though I didn't believe that day
Every starry night I put to waste I swear I found in you
Comfort is so hard to find when I'm alone inside our room

I never could've loved you the way I hate myself
Keep the good of me in mind

I quit believing in changes
I quit believing in writing
I quit believing in hoping
I quit believing in everything

As I watch you undress from a top the bedroom steps
Got your skin in perfect sync
My name tattooed across your neck
Finding pictures on the walls tilted slightly to the right
Marks of dirt and blood and sweat to remind us of that night
There are bodies in the closet
Mannequins with dresses- tall
Holding vases. Eyeing phrases
We both know you used them all
Flower petals on the stand next to our bed
I don't forget anniversary
It hurts how much I love you on my chest

There are nights I hear you crying
Dear, I hear you yelling out
It is 4: 30 am and I feel strapped down to this couch
The memories, the crash, they all pass through my head
I am the reason for your tears
I broke the vow said when we wed

Your father swore I was a good man
He believed that I'd keep you safe
When he walked you down the aisle
Then he handed you to me
His face filled up with joy and tears
Shot a stare straight in my eye
A quiet man, he spoke five words
He said "Son, please treat her right."

Now I'm gazing at a ceiling
Loving the man I never was
Stronger mind, stronger will
Stronger for you when we miscarried our son
Pages I penned, I penned for you
Inspired most by what I love
Forever, you, you are my muse
And you will still be when I'm gone

I feel that feeling coming on
I'm falling faster less afraid
Heart is racing, mind is pacing
How you said you felt that day
There is nothing in this world
That can hurt me when it hits
My eyes are closed and they won't open up
But I can feel your breath

It's nice to see you again