funeral

Show up or don't
I'm gonna set your plate and I won't eat a bite
No, I'll starve
In the dark and alone
Dreaming of sharing your breath
Blowing parliament smoke on the floor
You took a flight to the ocean
And I took a drive with him, but it wasn't right
Then I tried to hide in the open
But you declined to even try to find me

Now in everything
And everyone
I scream your name
And imagine what we could have been
Now it's been a year
And I've had enough
If I see you again
I'm handing you Yellow chrysanthemums
And rosaries
I want you home with me
I miss you totally
I cry in my Tweety pajama pants
And honestly, I know you're haunting me
I thought you wanted me
I hope I see you at my funeral

Pacing around
Tryna forget your cigarette kisses on the crown of my head
I tried to stay down, but I felt abandoned
Beads on your hand in my nightmares
Is it my fault that I wanna move on?
When you told me that I'm not what you want
And you came back only for a minute
With a burnt-out vape and a dumb explanation
And I don't do coke anymore
If I did, it would just take me back and remind me
Of the love that I couldn't give you
But demanded you give me and now I'm stuck in

Everything
And everyone
I scream your name
And imagine what we could have been
Now it's been a year
And I've had enough
If I see you again
I'm handing you Yellow chrysanthemums
And rosaries
I want you home with me
I miss you totally
I cry in my Tweety pajama pants
And honestly, I know you're haunting me
I thought you wanted me
I hope I see you at my funeral

I remember the first time you ever kissed me in your dumb ass Charlie Sheen button up-shirt
And you reminded me of every dream guy I ever made up combined
I miss you baby
Show up or don't