Crux

I wake up and I'm sitting upon the edge of a chair with no light to shine
My eyes adjust to the darkness and feel for a sign
My arms are locked in close and I can't feel a thing
I clench my jaw till my face starts to sting
​
Decisions, decisions, you've got one more to make
Just one more life for you to selfishly take​
I'm just an empty host, watch as I fall (as I fall)
She's just a vixen, conning me to end it all
​
Take me, leave me out to dry
Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry
Heaven turn me into a thrall
Give me the courage to end it all
​
Time begins to haunt me as I focus on the depths of the click
The clock-hands wrap around my neck to show me all the pain I inflict
Please tell me if you lived, would you say that it's true?
Would you still love me as the mother, or the lover I once knew?
​
She's just too real to me
She's just a fucking dream
She rests inside of my mouth
And makes me bite my tongue
The blood comes rushing out
​
Draining, draining, the blood drains away
Dying, dying, I'm dying today
Finally, finally, I'm feeling alive
Devil, devil, I give you my life
​
Take me, leave me out to dry
Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry
Heaven turn me into a thrall
Give me the courage to end it all
Take me, leave me out to dry
Be my aggressor, tell me not to cry
Heaven turn me into a thrall
Give me the courage to end it all
​
Darkness overtakes the room
No sight, no sound, nobody
As I perspire I feel the cold chill of sweat slide down my body like a frozen blade
The room although enclosed
Gains the presence of a frigid wind nearing me

It's grim, it's deathly, it's beautiful
My tongue rests between my teeth
As I hesitate to lock my jaw shut
The frigid presence wraps around me like motherly apathy

Clench your jaw shut, it will all be over soon
No more pain, no more agony
No more living with the immense guilt that I have inflicted on you
Do it my son, I swear that you'll die