Bianca

(Oh, Bianca, lovely Bianca)

Now, Bianca McBrown weighs three hundred pounds
She got eyes like rissoles in the snow
She comes from St. Kitts, got a big pair of mitts
She could lay Mike Tyson out with one blow
When she lays in the sand, the tide goes out and
Refuses to come back until she's gone
One day, she bent down to hitch up her gown
And we had an eclipse of the Sun

(Oh, Bianca, lovely Bianca)

We went for a stroll, she said
Look at, that's a bull
And that's a cow, and that's a sow, and that's a boar
And just look at that, Joe!
I said: Bianca, I know
She said: Well, what do you want to tread in it for?
By the barn door, we lay down in the straw
And she said, as she gave my hand a squeeze
Would you like a roll in the hay?
And I said: Okay
She said: Do you want fish paste or cheese?

Oh, lovely Bianca, big fat Bianca, like a peach on an apricot tree
I would charter a tanker and sail to Sri Lanka
To thank her for her company

Now, this big fat girl has got a map of the world
Tattooed all over her skin
One day, she showed me Japan, the Gulf of Siam
I even had to peek at Peking
On her left knee was West Germany
Russia was on her right thigh
But when I turned and saw my wife at the door
I let the rest of the world go by

(Oh, Bianca, lovely Bianca)

So, I gave up my wife, and I began a new life
With Bianca on the honeymoon cruise
Our wedding night, it was great, I even let her stay up late
To listen to the six o'clock news
Now, I am never blue with my queen of tattoo
A happier man could not be found
I've got heat in the winter, I've got shade in the summer
And moving pictures all the year round

Oh, lovely Bianca, big fat Bianca
Like a peach on an apricot tree
I would charter a tanker and sail to Sri Lanka
To thank her for marrying me
(To thank her for marrying me)
To thank her for marrying me!