Pepy's Diary

A shy young maid has took a room down at the village inn
Her bedside light is, oh, so bright, and the curtains, oh, so thin
She enters her room at nine o'clock; at half past nine she sleeps
Lord Clarendon walks quickly on, but naughty Samuel peeps

(For we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary)

Last Monday morn', my lady wife sent me to the butcher shop
The butcher asked politely if I'd care for a mutton chop
I smiled and said: A small sheep's head is really all I seek
And leave the eyes in 'cause it's got to see us through the week

(For we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary)

I know a shy young shepherd boy and Basil is his name
He has a sister called Anna who sets my heart aflame
Through woodland glade and through meadows green, I walked with this fair lass
But she slipped on a cowslip, and she fell down on the grass

(For we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary)

Oh, I stooped down and picked her up – her manner was serene
Kind sir, said she: Pray put me down for you don't know where I've been
Basil begged me to marry her, and this to me did say
Please wed my sister Anna for she's in everybody's way

(For we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary)

Halfway up a wall outside a castle in Tranmere
There is a sign which reads: The Duke of Denby was born here
I've traveled far, and I've traveled wide, but ne'er can I recall
Of ever hearing of a duke born halfway up a wall

(For we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary)

I went to rent a lady's house, she handed me the key
She said: It's to be let as it stands with all that you can see
'And are you to be let with the house? Said I, in a very saucy tone
She said: I'm not to be let with the house, I'm to be let alone

(For we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary)
Yes, we know it's right, it's in black and white
And it's all written down in his diary