AFRAID

Been running in circles for years
Still stuck
Still scared
I feel so fucking lost
I wake up shaking before I can breathe
My mind hits hard like it wants me to bleed
I try to hold myself together but I break again
And I hate the person I become when the fear kicks in
I don't trust people, I've learned to stay alone
Every time I open up, it cuts straight to the bone
My chest locks tight before the day begins
And I'm tired of pretending that I'm stronger than this

Nothing helps
Nothing fucking works
Therapy changes nothing
My therapist said he needs a therapist after hearing me
And it scared the hell out of me
I don't know how to live with this fear
It hits my chest and keeps me here
I just want a moment where I can breathe
But I'm scared of myself more than anything
I don't know how to feel okay
Everything I try just fades away
I just want to feel normal again
But the fear in me keeps breaking me

Afraid to open up
Because people leave
Afraid to trust
Because trust cuts deep
Afraid to feel too much
Because I fall apart
Afraid to love
Because love never stays
Afraid of changing
Because change hurts
Afraid of staying the same
Because this pain won't stop
Afraid of losing control
Because I know how it ends
Afraid of myself
Because I'm the one who breaks me

Every day gets heavier
Every night I break
Nothing I try
Takes this fear away
Can't trust anyone
Can't trust me
Can't escape
What's inside of me
All I want
Is to feel normal
Just once
Just once

I don't know how to live with this fear
It hits my chest and keeps me here
I just want a moment where I can breathe
But I'm scared of myself more than anything
I don't know how to feel okay
Every step I take pulls me the wrong way
I just want to feel normal again
But the fear in me keeps drowning me
Still scared
Still trying
Still breathing
Still here