Andy The Frog

Once upon a time, there was a frog named Andy
Andy lived at the Patten Park Pond
And had never hopped anywhere else his entire frog life
He had 3 best friends
Millie, who never left her lily pad
Billie, who was always hopping mad
And Roger, who was arrested for possession of tadpole porn

So one day, Andy saw something hop across the grass on the other side of the pond!
Millie, Billie, Roger, look! Said Andy
Across the pond stood the most beautiful frog that Andy had ever seen
"She's gorgeous!" said Millie
"She's beautiful!" said Billie
Bit old for my taste, said Roger
(Classic Roger)

And then she was gone
I need to go find her, said Andy, I need to follow my little frog heart
So Andy followed the beautiful frogs footsteps into the forest
He then came across a turtle
You can't pass! Said the turtle
Please? Said Andy
No, said the turtle
(And uh, this is the first long, convoluted simile)

Then, there was a rustling in the bushes
And like a man who had been shot in the chest with a rifle
The turtle was shot in the chest with a rifle
Andy kept moving, but at this point
Like the doctor of a Kenyan track team
His patience ran thin

Andy kept moving
He then came across a giant crocodile
And the crocodile began to chant
I woke up this morning and I sat on a log
I opened up the menu and the menu said frog
Andy said: NO! No, please let go of me
I can feel myself dying, you're ripping up my insides
I'm never gonna find her am I, there's no God is there, fuck, fuck!

The End
If you're curious the moral of that story is irrelevant
Because we're humans, and it was about a
Why would it apply to us?