Deep in the Heart of Nowhere

Bob Schneider

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    The bars at night, are always bare
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I've got a flat, but i ain't got no spare
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    The passing cars, don't seem to care
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    They're giving me the finger, i say whate'er
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    My girlfriend looks like the possesed linda blair
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    She says i ain't got no savoir faire
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    My life is like a blank questionaire
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    And i don't have clean underwear
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    The girl's i meet are like frigidaires
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    My hemoroids they bleed and tear
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    Feel like i'm sitting on an electric chair
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    Jangly glass all in my brain
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I'm falling down the stairs again
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    Tried to march to a different drummer but i got no snare
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    The hand i was dealt was for solitaire
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I met a girl who was hearing impaired
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    She called me up and said,"unghuuuunghaahhhungh"
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I got bursitus because i can't afford healthcare
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I go to bars dressed like a woman
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I made love to a woman in delaware
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    My balls swelled up to the size of pairsd
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I thought it was haircream but it turned out to be nair
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I'm not only the president i'm also a member
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    Idon't have to make every single line rhyme
    I'm secure enough in my rhyming ability
    If pennies were pain i'd be a millionaire
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    I fucked my grandma for her medicare
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    My girlfriends fucking my best friend larr
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    She said she was going out to get a pack of smokes
    That was fifteen years ago
    My girlfriend was round but i didn't care
    Deep in the heart of nowhere
    When she sat on my face i couldn't even hear the stereo
    De janaro
    My names floyd but my kids call me gar(y)
    Deep in the heart of nowhere

    I took my girlfriend down to the abortion clinic where all the fundamentalist christian right to lifers were barracading the place by chaining their naked sweaty bodies to the glass doors while they were being severely beaten to within inches of their lives by overaggressive baton wielding on and off duty police officers because they believed in their heart of hearts that all life was is and always will be sacred but when they saw me and my girlfriend walking up the driveway they all parted and said,"you're in there!"

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    Deep in the heart of nowhere

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