Everybody's Fucking Everybody

Bob Schneider

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    Angie's fucking David and David's fucking Joe
    And Joe's fucking everybody and nobody knows
    And Lisa and Linda are fucking Reggie and Tom
    But Tom went to the clinic and they dropped the bomb
    And Lonnie fucking Angel who's just thirteen
    But Lonnie doesn't care if you know what I mean
    And Michael's with Maxine who's sometimes with Ron
    And everybody's fucking my best friend's mom

    And everybody's fucking everybody's fucking everybody
    Everybody's fucking everybody's fucking everybody

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    And Leslie's fucking Adam
    When she gets the chance
    And I've got a whole lot
    Of love in my pants
    And who was fucking Mary
    Cause she was fucking Leroy Brown
    Who was fucking every hooker
    That that motherfucker found
    And Larry got the crabs
    But he didn't get the clap
    But Virginia's in the clinic
    For a mandatory pap
    And Sean's fucking Patty
    Who's on everybody's dick
    And she's a real nice girl
    But her minds a little sick
    And Dan's fucking Sarah
    Who was fucking Teddy Willis
    Who was sucking off the landlord
    So she didn't have to pay her bills
    And Stanley works the corner
    And he's in a lot of pain
    But he's fucking every john he can
    To buy his heroin
    And your wife'll fuck the postman
    And she will not give a damn
    If you're out busting your ass
    Trying to bring home the ham
    And disease and moral fortitude
    They will not stem the tide
    And you cannot keep your daughter home
    Forever though you've tried
    We're not plants we're animals
    And instincts rule our nation
    And you cannot live forever
    On fantasies and masturbation
    So we fuck and fornicate
    Until the mother ship returns
    And takes us to another world
    Where passion doesn't burn

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