David Bowie Wants Ideas

I was in France or Switzerland
In a store looking out on a cobblestone street
Of a quaint village

I received a toy xylophone in the mail
That I’d been sent by David Bowie
Saying to come visit him at his recording studio

But it was a form letter
With my name stamped on it
Apparently he had sent many people
The same xylophone with the same request

Saying that he was working on a new record
And anybody with some ideas
Should come and visit him

I thought
Yeah
He’ll take everybody’s ideas
And then we’ll never hear from him again

The more I pondered this
The less benevolent the gift became
And I looked closer and realized
That it had been sent to me by mistake

The package had actually been addressed
To some wealthy people
Because an elaborate note was attached
Signed by his assistant Coco

Then I realized the shop I was in
Was actually a drug store

I started to explore my surroundings
And sat down with someone in the back

It was David Byrne
I was nervous
As I didn’t know what to say
To such a big star

So I picked up a perfume bottle next to me
That was shaped like the head of King Tut
I showed it to him and I said
Isn’t this neat?

That seemed to break the ice
And we then proceeded
To drink the perfume
From large tumblers full of crushed ice

We were getting along very well
And I noticed that the back of the store
Was actually my grandmother’s house
And I realized I was back in West Virginia

Do you wanna go take a walk around the town? I asked him
There’s lots of authentic old-fashioned country stuff we can look at
He said: Okay

And we went out of the house
And outside was an endless maze of country stores
Filled with dry goods and the like
All stored in turn-of-the-century containers

I lost David Byrne
In my fascination for the surroundings
And I did think of any ideas for that other David

I decided right then and there
That I was better off alone
And would never speak to anyone named David again