G                                C
Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee
G                          D        C
They'll come a-lookin' for Opie and me
G                                     C
Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone
G                D           G
Me and Opie down by the duck pond


[Verse 1]
G                                       C
Well Goober brought down some homegrown hay
              G                             D         G
It whomped me up the side the head, I never felt that way
G                        C
Aunt Bee said we'd be in dutch
       G                      D            G
If the sheriff ever caught us smokin' that stuff


[Chorus]
G                                C
Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee
G                          D        C
They'll come a-lookin' for Opie and me
G                                     C
Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone
G                D           G
Me and Opie down by the duck pond


[Verse 2]
G                                   C
I heard a little holler down in the woods
G                             D     G
Sounded like someone saying, 'Mm mm good!"
G                                        C
I moved a little closer, sneaking like a squirrel
G                        D        G
Otis was slurpin' up his favorite girrrrrl


[Verse 3]
G                                 C
Otis said, "Boys, come sit by the still
G                              D      G
I'll pour you up a jar of that famous swill
G                                 C
If you can't walk, don't worry no way
G                       D          G
Now LIGHT THAT PIPE and pass it my way"


[Chorus]
G                                C
Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee
G                          D        C
They'll come a-lookin' for Opie and me
G                                     C
Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone
G                D           G
Me and Opie down by the duck pond


[Verse 4]
G                                          C
I had to dodge a rock that was hittin' the tree
G                     D      G
Out of the swamp came Ernest T.​
G                                    C
Gold tooth a-flashing as he hit that pipe
G                    D      G
Out of the blue came Barney Fife


[Verse 5]
G                                 C
Well Barney come down to nip that still
G                D        G
Waving an axe, a lawman's thrill
G                                        C
"Opie, don't smoke, you'll turn yourself green
G                          D              G
Get me up a puff and I'll show you what I mean"


[Chorus]
G                                C
Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee
G                          D        C
They'll come a-lookin' for Opie and me
G                                     C
Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone
G                D           G
Me and Opie down by the duck pond


[Verse 6]
G                                C
We all sat there for most of the night
G                        D             G
Trying to figure out our left from our right
G                            C
Here comes Andy and ol' Aunt Bee
G                        D        G
Scoldin' the hell out of Opie and Me


[Chorus]
G                                C
Don't tell Andy, don't tell Aunt Bee
G                          D        C
They'll come a-lookin' for Opie and me
G                                     C
Tell 'em we're dead or tell 'em we're gone
G                D           G
Me and Opie down by the duck pond