Padriac My Prince

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i had a brother once
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he drowned in a bathtub before he had ever learned how to talk
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and i don't know what his name was but my mother does
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 i heard her say it once, padriac my prince i have all but died from the
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sheer weight of my shame. you cried but no one came and the water filled your
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tiny lungs appear, my dear, and cry for me. it was six years ago today that
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i laid you in your grave, your sweet young skin was shining then too.

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and so tonight to celebrate i will, I will poison myself.
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another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.
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so i close the door and rest my head on the tile floor,
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 sickness and sleep turning me cold.
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i am still not sure, is there some better place i should be heading towards?
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 where the selfishly sick and self absorbed
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are welcome.

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i saw the future once.
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i was drunk in a phone booth. my eyes were wet and red but i could not tell what was said
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and through the screams of the traffic voices carried saying i am sorry
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on a day so gray its black inside watching churches on tv
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in a coma you don’t dream you just hope that someone sits with you
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babies turn blue when they are ignored like the sky on summer days
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before you turn and walk away it has changed you
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and so tonight to compensate i will poison myself.
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another coughing, shaking fit in a bathroom that is spinning.