Tape

I could barely rap, I could barely dance
I could barely laugh, I could barely hang
And there's a male stripper doing a belly dance
For me and my boyfriend still the same
And I'm drunk as fuck, nigga sucks up
For a reason to get my bucks up
And the reason I care about society
Is a good enough reason just to hire me
But honestly, see my mom can't walk
And her lungs don't work like they used to
And I feel like it's my fault 'cause of music
I be saying shit just to fucking ruined it, I'm truant
But truthfully, the words had damage and it's fooling me
But even more cruel to be
This is here for you niggas that paid to hear me

Sometimes I be wondering, why I been tripping off
And I should probably spend my time
Writing rhymes in the dentist's office
That's killing two birds in one song
When I was younger, way before I was grown
I wanted a deal with Death Row or Rhymesayers
I'm saving my time for mics later
I might save it, depending on the shit that y'all write later
I hate writers, I hate tweets, I hate journalists
They hate truth, they hate peace
They want my niggas to burn with us

Flicking on the face of my wrist watch
Watch the time stop just to speed up, watch life unfold
And between the tick-tocks, speeding down the one way
Fuck these signs, fuck these lights, put my life on the line
When it feel right, I'm fine, no, I'm not lyin', don't ask me
I'll pay the fine, I'll pay the toll, just hope I don't crash it
But hey, if I do, it will be a blaze of glory
Engulfed by the manifestation of death behind me
All my life I've felt inadequate
And through the years I've dealt with
Tragedy after tragedy, God, send a message
Send a messenger my way, never claimed to be a saint
Forgive me
Feel like the light that I was blessed with has diminished
I'm haunted, by the visions of my youth turned true
I've come to expect my expectations aren't true
But I'm a master of believing my lies
And you can't break me, and I can't break at the speed of light

I'm afraid to share the bed, what if she want money later?
Like she got laid off, uh, hit my lawyer for some paper
I'm afraid to speak my pains lik: You lucky where you at
You cool but quit complaining 'bout all that
That's why I'm showing up late
I'm not tryna be a dick, but my time is not to waste
For myself, for the small talk with my sensei
Where my sense at?
Four-cylinder go round, Lincoln Towncar pick me up
Drop me off
I got bubble under my biceps, meet me into the sidestep
Ego is getting sized up, I be on butterfly effect
Fuck it, I'll be myself now, tell 'em I take no shit now
Tell 'em they work for me now, tell 'em my tears, they bleed down
Tell 'em I work, like, what, what time for me now
Wondering who is me now, wondering where you been now
Lose you in crowds, I see now, 14, I see 'em all inside of me now
Bank account with less fees now, make it from ways to feed now
Thinking of ways to be everything but right now

It's crazy how things that are best
Reminisce when we check ourselves
It's crazy how people who left
Started feeling left out when we step for health
Still accustomed to nights filled with solitude
I don't always remember to call goodnight
I don't always remember my altitude
I don't always remember to stop the fight
But I might check my sight, it ain't right
Yeah I know, but my strife overwhelms, every night
Until I'm forced to close my eyes
Brain disease, parasite, eating me from inside
Emotions bleed, I can't believe
How I'm sleeping through the night